Friday, October 16, 2015

editing the life

At times, we wish to talk to someone who was close to us, but with whom we are having difficult times..
and we look at the dials of the phone and mechanically type the numbers, just to erase it and throw the phone back to the bed...

and we just think, how synchronous we were once and how when we took the phone to dial, we got a call or message at that instant..

Elementary

Today, in class i was looking at the board on which our teacher is deriving some equation.. (there is a heading Von karman momentum integral)... it was purely 'mathematical'.. i just searched for a 'number" all over the board... voila, i found a '2' used to 'square' a velocity term...

In childhood, i perceived maths as something which showed me wonders with numbers... in the kingdom of addition and multiplication i found enjoyment... while now, i look at mathematics as a dreadful nightmare... if this what is maths made of, if this was how it all was goin to an end.., somewhere i missed a point... i could just hope that the way i saw mahs would not be exactly the 'ideal mathematics', but something which humanity could live in harmony with...

Today morning, I was going through the news paper, just to know about what all things are happening around me. I could see bloodshed, sorrows, and wailings around the world... people making other people's lives miserable... i came to know that in my motherland, people fear to express their views.., they were getting killed for their way of life, they were dictated what they were supposed to eat, wear or walk with... they were forced to think in a certain way. I was looking at the largest democracy of the world, to find any of the great values proclaimed by others... and voila, i found nothing...

In childhood, at school, i was taught about freedom fighters, martyrs who struggled their whole life just to earn us what we now call freedom... they built a democratic nation, where they envisaged a rule of the people, by the people, for the people... and now, i am somewhat disillusioned that the rule is of 'THE' PEOPLE, by 'THE' PEOPLE and for 'THE' PEOPLE... i am in the middle of the puddle of hate speeches, intolerance and mob policing.., while the politicians eating the tax money (as well as the money they procure through corruption) paid by the common man shamelessly doing just the opposite of what they are supposed to do...

Monday, August 10, 2015

... :'(

Avale ishtamaanenn parayaan avalude aduth chennappolaanu aval mattoraale premikkukayaanenna vivaram avan ariyunnath. Aval premikkunnavan theerthum nirutharavaada-paramaaya swabhaavam ullavanaayittum avalodulla thante pranayam vishuddamaanemnu kaanikkaan avan avalude vivaahathinulla ellaa othaashakalum akamazhinj cheyth koduthu... vivaahathinu shesham thante theerumaanam thettaayirunnenn manassilaakkunnathinu pakaram avane premikkaathathinu avan thannodu pakaram veettiyathaanennaa ippo aval paranju nadakkunnath...

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Hypocrisy

The world around revolves in a certain way... our Rizq is predetermined and what is for us will definitely come to us...
And how hard we strive, wish, or hope, what is not for us leaves us...

At times, we may get depressed about the course of events.., but when we look to it and think again, we could see that all those acts helped us to be what we are now.., and moreover, those things what happened to us would perhaps be the best thing to happen in such situations...

Saturday, June 20, 2015

locked

It is a terrible situation to know that there is a place where we could get the answer for the question we seek, but we hesitate to take the decision to approach that place...

A friend, who wants to forget the memories of past where we are present... that is one of the saddest deals...

The run without passion

In the midst of a crowd,
I stood alone, sleepless
In between the joyous talks,
they never noticed my worries
and I, alone, without finding a friend

It was during those days of good friends
that I could rely upon
The storms I faced where just breeze
those days
But now, I just run away from the
storms of life...
away from realities

Nature









Thursday, April 30, 2015

Judging

At times,
in our lives,
we start judging people,
whether they are just
acting infront of us
or are telling things with full
commitment to their words
we just find reason to doubt our friend
and just disbelieves what he had told us
with keeping reservations i our mind
the prejudice causing harm to
our relationships
and the words we spoke
because of the prejudice
destroying the corner stone
of our deep friendship

Saturday, April 11, 2015

:(

sometimes,
we take a pen and stare at the paper so long and cannot write a word or think of something,
that we just scribble something and leave the place for fresh air
we find ourselves blank though our schedule seems to be busy

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Darker way

The way we talk to people,
how much truthful we are,
is what we must expect in return

Monday, April 6, 2015

home again

At times, we are immersed in a life with sins and suddenly,
someone anonymous or a distant relative or just a stranger is met unexpectedly...
they talk to us of things which already we know, but while they are busy trying to inspire us, we will busy thinking about where did we go wrong and then we decide to make a change, a positive change towards good.
And then we think why we have been in the mud till that point, and turns back to our lord, with repentance, and a resolution never to turn back.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Sinful

Every now and then,
I get a chance to be good again...
but,
I simply destroys it by merely
moving back to the sinful days
I had been in to...
When I get a chance to do a good deed,
which comes in plenty in life,
I hesitate, and misses it
but when I get a chance to do a sin, which is rare
I just falls in to it... and regret for my choice...

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

what a bad day to die

You know,
this world is somewhat funny in some of its ways...
It lures us with baits...
tempting us to fall for it,
and we, at a point leap for it...
it is so good a trap that it
makes us FEEL the taste,
and suddenly we reach the obvious fall...
and now, we are hopeless for a while
then, we pick up slowly for a new life..
and there is our next bait, waiting with
better offers,
and we, who do not learn from our past,
go for our next great fall 

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Do include in duas...

I just found out that somewhere, at some point in my life my prayers became so much mechanical that right now I don't know whether I am telling Bismillah before I take food...
I think, no I am sure that I need to have a change...

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Charity

While roaming through the Jaipur city, I noted one simple thing- on the branches of trees there are earthen pots hung... it is seen at irregular intervals. At first I didn't get what for it was meant... may be some sort of belief or custom. But on the course of time, I got to know that it was meant for feeding birds!!
The city to its outskirts have evolved a culture, a culture of helping even the animals of the arid locality to have a bit of food and water... It is not the flowery emotionally charged words that help others in need, but the simple, small deeds of man, with no presumption of any return from those who are helped, nor a word of thanks expected from them that counts as charity.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Reality

When I had a 'saada' phone, I saw people around me using better phones where there is music player, and they using it to hear Qur'an recitation... I thought like, if I had such mobiles, I would be using to hear Qur'an any time...
After a year or so, I got a phone which could play media files and I got the full audio of the Holy book from a friend... for a period, I used to hear it and eventually it reduced and stopped... During that time android revolution changed the concepts of the world... and apps where we could read Qur'an came... then, I saw my friends using those phones and again I envied them and desired to get a phone with which I could read and hear the Qur'an...
And I got such a phone...
But, right now, I don't know when was the last time I listened to those recitations I carry in my pocket...

:/

To make a child have a plate of food is a laborious task, or so I felt when I tried to feed one of my cousin...
But, then I thought of many children who do not have provision for a meal per day, out of poverty... will they do the same, if I offer them food..?
Certainly not...
I think we have to teach our children what they are force fed is worth much more...
We are so forgetful about the situations around us...

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Change

When there is a mood-swing, the thing to be cared is whether we could learn something positive out of it...

Recently, when I was submerged in sins, I could find that this time the situation have turned graver... I forgot the swalah timing twice...
I forgot is a wrong way of telling it... I neglected would be a better word...
There is an Ayat in Qur'an suggesting that if we move back to sins after repenting and repeat this process, then at a point, we could not return back...
I feared it...
And I am still a bit tensed...
If I am repeating my disregard then I will be a total failure...
:(
Hope I turn to good...
Insha Allah, Insha Allah...

wastage

Angane ib examum kaynj...
Jeevihathillakshyabodham nashtapett uzhalunna aathmaavaayi angane nadakkunnu...
:/
Enthukondennariyilla... oro divasavum oro nilakkulla chinthakalumaayi vattupidich aarodo ulla deshyam theerkkunnu...

Thursday, February 19, 2015

grudge

It is wonderful to know that despite the very truth of despair hanging in the air, we have enough reasons to be grateful for what we got...
I am lucky to know that I was not loved by people whom I loved and that too directly from them...
I am lucky that, I could still love them, though there is no much change in their attitude towards me...
We could be sad with what we do not have or be content with what all we enjoyed... while we had our own thought processes and enjoyed the moments, without knowing the reality that the person whom we trusted and loved and with whom we were enjoying was in another world... but we did enjoy those moments... right..? If he, didn't found those moments amusing and kept his reservations to himself, then didn't he support us to be happy..?

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Hopeless

I became a merchant of hope
But nobody bought anything from me...
So I decided to be merchant of distress,
So that the world be a better place,
since nobody buys anything from me...
But, I now enjoy a good sale

Lost

It is like this...
I was yesterday in a mood to send a message of advice to one of my friend..,
And today, I saw myself immersed in sins and decided to drop it...
But,
I could not understand why my brain pulls me to sins...
:(
Need to build more eemaan

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Running away

While reading about Delhi election verdict, just remembered a story told by Anand Shankar about APJ and his boss (I think it was Vikram Sarabhay, let me assume so)... while a rocket launching program was on the way, the first launching failed miserably... APJ as team leader of the project was to meet the press conference, where reporters are waiting with all weapons to attack about wasting money on 'useless' things by an underdeveloped country... Sarabhai came to APJ and went with him to the press conference (sarabhai was the then head of space program) and answered all queries of the journalists with the assurance that the team would launch the rocket by next year...
The second launch was a success and APJ went to Sarabhai before press conference... Sarabhai told that it was his (APJ's) day to meet them...

:)
A leader is one who takes the responsibility of failures but gives the credit to the team in the time of success

Time

When someone who was dear to us dies, what comes to our mind may not be the beautiful moments we shared with him/her, but the moments we quarrelled, the words we uttered at few occasions and the chances of instances which we missed to apologize...

even at that point, we would be keeping grudge to many others who are still alive...
Is it not better we take the first step by shedding our devilish pride and work to melt the ice and forge better bonds...?

Friday, February 13, 2015

...

"Water can come back to a dried river
But what about a died fish"
-Shamsia Hassani
An Afghani woman, Artist, poet

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Redefine

We all got changed within few years which have passed...
Our way of thought have been modified...
Our ideological stands were reoriented bit by bit to very different ones...
our friends and friendship have seen estrangements and reunion on unprecedented lines...
our way of finding happiness changed...
our food habits changed!!!
our faiths got altered...

and atlast, we look to the world around us and tell, Oh, the world have undergone drastic changes... and I feel like misplaced...

the one thing which did not change much was the concept of self-righteousness...

somewhere, we all became alone in the middle of the crowd and we are afraid to admit the TRUTH and change our path to a better one...

we just let our hearts to get consumed over little glittery things around and forget about the light which makes it shine...

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Platform

People are of different stands...
the ideologies differ,
the way of life differ...
and at-last,
we fight between each other
without any known reason...
we talk of democracy, freedom
and a lot of other ideals...
but forget to know our brethren
and shed enough blood...

if there are two people,
there would be two opinions...
but we seldom acknowledge...

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Value

We concentrate much on our outside appearances...
We spent much time to beautify our outer looks...
But, for a blind person, what we have done is not a matter for appreciation...

It is what is inside us which is valued there...
Love, do not require the ability to see...
Beauty is not simply what is there outside, projected...

Beyond those paraphernalia, there lies something, something which radiates love, and there we could see the beauty...

There is a world out there, who have not seen anything in this world... they have not got the luck of being blessed with 'vision'...
But, their inner eye... their heart... and they themselves are far far beautiful than us...

Sad that we still do not 'see'
Somewhere, we have to clear our cataract...

Dead again

Some people are dead even before they really die...
Few, out of cowardice,
Few, of knowing the world...
Few, still out of the thought of something lost,
which was in reality never theirs...
and there are still a few others,
who thinks they are alive,
but who simply are not...

the better part about these people are
that they could enjoy rebirth,
before their deaths...
but, they rarely use their chances...
and a few, sighs infront of the door to rebirth,
that they could have done it before...
and just dies again...

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Lost or not..?

There is a momentary pleasure in realizing that we get a chance to retry, to re analyze and move on many times in our life...
when we are at such a point, we usually always are at a point where we could rethink about our past decisions and correct the way, if needed, it is the golden opportunity to repent over the past sins... and start moving forward on a slightly better path...
It is time, my friend... we have chance right now right here... the opportunity to transform our life to a better one... towards our lord...
Every moment that passes, we are closing towards our grave... let us have this...
:)

Back to school

Like said by former PM, Dr. Manmohan Singh, sometimes it is better to be take so called 'foolish' decisions and follow our dream...

It is better to find happiness in the little we have rather than be frustrated in the middle of everything and just feel like a loser, while all the world's envy is upon us...

there is an age, where if we act our heart and gets no complaints... that was our childhood... people accepted us or not, we never cared in actuality... we went on on our expeditions and we found that the life was good... After a period we had bigger dreams... but it frustrated us, making us think that it is far too high to attain...
but, if we had looked back, we could find that little child, who used to pursue the tasks, regardless of its results.. we used to give a try and now, we fail before the game...

When we break the shell which hold us back, when we find that child in us again, it would be a nice day...
we cannot forget all those sins we had accumulated till now...
but we could repent...

come on, let us try to find what we forgot...

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Disembark

At times, it is better to shed our pride, jealousy and ego to walk to a friend rather than waiting for his return...
probably its not late to know that some things are more valuable than our ego and it is better correct our way, when we know we are on a wrong path...

Monday, January 26, 2015

regret

Tendency to pursue the wrong path even after knowing which is the right and which is the wrong is what is degrading us in many respect...

regardless of many facets, we are so much interested to do what is wrong...
we could see many around us who have high educational qualifications, but addicted to certain simple mistakes... it is not ignorance that drive them (and us), but the conscious act, and definitely, conscious acts do get paid in back...

Moments

There are certain points in life, where we have to leave a person and move on...
we have the option to continue the friendship... but we know, that the better option is to meet him/ her with a smiling face and tell good bye, probably forever so that we do not become a hindrance to their life...
though both of us will tell that it is better to leave the friendship and move away, we and the other guy definitely knows that it will cause pain...
but, it is for this pain that we became friends in the first place... it is this pain that we must have anticipated in the first place, when we started the friendship, beyond distance and words, there would be a point that the friendship must end or take a turn, as some may put, but in reality an end, where each friend or one of them leaves for a new life...
Yes, the things then remain would be simply a call once a blue-moon, till a point where the friendship fades and fades into an unnoticeable corner of the garbage we call life...
yes, these are the moments, we need to keep a smiling face and stern voice... how much pain the heart may give....

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Positivity

I don't know whether you have gone through this link of quora before...
It is something which taught me much more than many books...
Because of our policy makers, we are injected with infected with ideas of hatred... we could not even identify the difference between each other, yet, we see each other with suspicion...
Sadly, we are still unable to change, reverse the mistake done during the period of our forefathers... we are unable to stop being greedy, self centered and sectarian about the world...
our prejudice rule over our real values...

In an athletic competition, we enjoy the victory of a guy living in the eastern side close to Indo- Pak border, while are not happy when a guy who live just a mile to the western side of the border... these two guys comes from almost the same village... but still we see both in a different way... we call it patriotism... isn't there something wrong with our 'patriotism' here? these two guys have nothing to do with us in reality, since they are nearly 3000 miles away from us, and yet we, in our heart keeps a small love towards one, while a small hatred or grudge towards the other... we see their victories in different angle... and still we don't know why we could not see and enjoy both the victories in same way...
This is where I am now stuck...
:)
I love India too much... and I don't know why I could not love pakistan... I don't know how a line drawn by an English man, who died long ago, created these thoughts of hatred (or indifference) in my mind...
I traveled to North India after my mains examination... I went to Mumbai, Jaipur, Delhi and Agra... and found that I was at home, I felt like home at all those places... I met many people... I did not face any discrimination for I being a malayali...
and the most important thing is... The people over north may (not all, just few, just like here) behave a bit rude (or we just mistake their way of speech for rudeness)... but in reality, they are far far better than we keralites... they don't keep grudge in heart and smile outwardly... they don't cheat with a smiling face as we do... may be they are a little bit less educated, but at heart, they are loads better than us....
and after that journey, since I could not find any difference between us other than the language, I just want to travel through Pakistan... to know what is the difference between I and them...  After reading this quora article, I strongly believe I could not find much difference...
:) just few thoughts...
anywhere and everywhere, there would be a minority who acts differently, and we just see the small black dot at the middle of the white paper... we just forgot about the white side of the remaining paper....

Friend

In our life, we give importance to relationships, find ourselves time for our friends, and believe that it is what is to be done...
but, then life creates turns and downfalls, where we find new dimensions of thoughts, emotions and a view point different from where we looked earlier...
some where we get so confused about what we have to do in this life... like, why we are really here, and at this point, many just escape from the inner self and try to lead a life with a semi happiness, and end up in depressions or under any of the numerous cult societies...
We are here for a purpose, to find ourselves, who we are and to find the lord who created us and to know that Almighty had given guidelines of what we are supposed to do...
The information that our lord is watching us and our deeds carefully and would summon all of us on the day of judgment to correctly judge us and give the reward for our deed, is what religion teaches... and science always tried to mock this statement... simply to end up in proclaiming 'theories' of evolutions which the scientists themselves are not sure about.

New write up

Disclaimer: Please don’t think that this is an emotional ranting, just literary work with what I think is the truth, and don’t go for booking me under sedition ;)

 Here, I just give a philosophical overview of what terrorism is, rather than the static, dates events and definitions in its correct form… this essay may look as if a conspiracy theory, rather than a standard textbook styled one…
I am sorry, but this is it J

Terrorism

UN definition
Criminal acts intended or calculated to provoke a state of terror in the general public, a group of persons or particular persons for political purposes are in any circumstance unjustifiable, whatever the considerations of a political, philosophical, ideological, racial, ethnic, religious or any other nature that may be invoked to justify them

USA definitions
FBI definition: "the unlawful use of force or violence against persons or property to intimidate or coerce a government, the civilian population, or any segment thereof, in furtherance of political or social objectives

Defense Department definition: "The unlawful use of violence or threat of violence to instil fear and coerce governments or societies. Terrorism is often motivated by religious, political, or other ideological beliefs and committed in the pursuit of goals that are usually political.

US State dept
"Premeditated, politically motivated violence perpetrated against non-combatant targets by subnational groups or clandestine agents


But rather than this,

Terrorism is just a way of political expression, a diplomatic tool and a way of life, (may be like business) for different group of people.
For a few who are inspired by twisted religious quoting by clerics of different religions, they feel as if they are obliged to do so… they constitute the minority of terrorists, who are in itself a minority…
The major chunk of terrorists are belonging to the second category, the groups which are simply an outfit like ‘intelligence wing’ or ‘special force’ etc etc, specially trained group, who strike over the opponent nations of the country by which they are appointed, and which comes in media lime light with (western) media outcry. These groups are so well trained, equipped and camouflaged that the public never correctly understand to whom they are working for, not to mention the media and the way they twist the realities.
And the third group of terrorists could be re grouped in to two- a richer group who are doing ‘business’ through ‘investments’ and a bunch of poor who take to the guns knowing that they are going to die and thinking that their family would be hence safe…

These all groups constitute the terrorist fraternity of the world, but only the poor from the third group and the first group in total are called terrorists + the field work team of the second group, who are (deliberately) misrepresented by media as belonging to the first group.

The term ‘terrorism’ comes from a French word terrorisme (meaning I frighten, representing reign of terror period) which was used to represent the state terrorism and the funny part is that in present world definitions, ‘state terrorism’ do not come under ‘terrorism’!!!

There is another group of people, who are also being called as terrorists… the group of people who fight for the dignity of themselves and their family, who fight for the justice which was not given to them and those who have done the injustice (the institutions which have done the injustice, to be technically correct) still not ready to apologize for what they have done in the past… these group of people could be found along the borders of many nations including our own… (We could see every sort of above mentioned terrorists along our border, to be frank)

The problem in dealing with terrorism is simple- One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter
This is the deadlock where many intellectuals stumble and confuse whether a person to be called a terrorist or not…
At this point ‘patriotism’ or the ‘civilized’ form of life comes in to picture and with the help of one of this tool or both, the so called ‘intellectuals’ draw in front of us who be called a terrorist, and we the public, are supposed to believe what they mumble to please few others…


As a human, we all belong to the single species, yet, we all fight each other, hate each other, and even kill each other without even knowing why we are doing these things… we are being brain washed, tuned and demoralized by many ‘institutions’ around us which proclaim that they stand for humanity, justice and upliftment… the organizations which are meant to unite us drew more borders between us (because it is handled by unworthy hands)… the religions which are here to bring peace to our minds made us restless (due to the wrong way it is taught)… and we live in a world, where we give importance for patriotism in an almost negative way… the only way to end terrorism may be to dethrone the institutions which have drawn borders geographically as well as in our hearts, and to have a world where we know that we all are brothers and sisters, and not just people of different countries and groups within that…

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Dreamer

There is a small line between reality and dream,
and the good part is while being a dreamer,
we just forget that there is any such line...

Start Action Cut

There are certain moments in our life, where we come to our close friend to tell him about a specific thing in our heart, which makes us a bit in a confused, excited elated state... We believe in our friend and when we reach to him and when we start speaking, we just understands that he haven't understood us in any way, and we return from him with our story untold or half told and our heart bleeding...
I, at many times behaved like such a 'friend' to many, and now, just hits my own head over and over again, thinking about the ill moment, where I behaved so...

too close, but yet so far...

Monday, January 19, 2015

Fate

At times, it is like we cannot avoid meeting certain things...
It may look a bit awkward at the moment, but creating a mischievous smile of fun in the end while pondering about it...

yesterday, me and few juniors from NITC planned to visit state kalolsavam and reaching over Calicut found to know that the program on main stage was oppana, which made me reluctant to visit there... we then chose Gujrathi hall for program viewing and went in search of the hall... we reached over Calicut beach and got immersed in it... we had few snacks and went to S M street, then to a hotel, had food and then scattered after the prayer...
I went for the secretariat meeting, after which decided to go to the main stage, near which MSM is organizing a campaign with the theme opposing drug addiction... after being there for long, I was forced to visit the main stage, where oppana was going on... my friends took me to the venue, and I was forced to sit over there for an hour in the middle of the night... we departed from there after 1 AM and went to sleep...

today at NITC, I had to meet a junior, who is a friend of mine, but who is now having a special role in my life changing events... He may not know what all I knows about him, perhaps... and I cannot just tell him that I know these things, which is making me feel myself be in a trap...

and I had to meet him five times today, within an afternoon...
I don't know what happened...
I don't want to guess and the truth may be a bit depressing...
I don't want to know anything...
what all extra I knows, just start hounding from the other side...

at times, knowledge acts as poisons... and these are of the kind of cure-less...

Cross roads

There is a point,
where we find ourselves
in the state of trouble,
without a stable decision...
and at that juncture,
we act out the first act
that pleases us, which will
be the reason for the
feel of guilt in future...

Hardened hearts

It is difficult to face an old friend, with a smiling face, while in heart you know things about him which are disturbing your minds...

When we meet that friend, while roaming around, we just are forced to speak in a good manner...
If a person is poor at that, then he would be caught in the act...
and I myself feel revealed, when I have to met such a friend...

choice

It is personal choice
to be sad or not,
in many cases,
though not in all...

It is the choice that
make people sad in
some other cases,
though not in all...

Face

Face, it would reveal our fears,
but only to those who look for...

So face it...

Relationships

Too close and yet so far...
Too far and yet so close...

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Why Sad

My mother today explained about life of a woman nearby to our home...
she is young, but with two children and divorced... She was maintaining her family by working for daily wages. She, with her efforts and with the help from few, now built a house, with a single room... you may not call it a house, perhaps, but for them, it is everything. Recently she was diagnosed with a disease, which is of a kind where the bones in the body get weakened... Now, she could not go for work, and she is in need of money for her ailment... and while there is all sorts of such issues, one of her child met with an accident while walking along the road, and broke his thigh bone...

We have got so many blessings that we merely forgets and look desperate about 'what I have not got'... we just forgets that people around us LIVE, despite the sufferings they are in... we don't deserve sympathy, we just deserve loathing for how behave, even after being so 'rich' literally, and being so poor in reality...
it is a shame that we just crave for more...

Friday, January 16, 2015

Infecting Minds

My brother now talked
about his tuition teacher...
This teacher deliberately
injects poisonous informations
and communal hatred very cleverly
in to their minds...
sad thing is, it is very difficult to
identify the way such people infects...

thanks that he opened up
at home about this teacher
so that his negative side could be
found out...

Sura Baqara

I have wondered in the past why I had a special attraction to this chapter of Qur'an...
It is really a giant chapter with loads of thoughts...
The ayaths from 200 to 250 of the chapter gave me a special feeling...
I just took certain verses, out of context and just thought about them...
as if they were said to me... oh, yeah, the whole Qur'an is for me too...

Apart from that, in today's qutba, the imam spoke about fasting in the month of Ramad'an...
he said it in a different way, which gave me a new view point...
It is for knowing about poverty, that I fast, is not a correct statement... but that is also included in it...
and, if we know that there is an ifthar waiting for me tonight, then the purpose of fasting is not met...

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Hard ball

The way to escape ourselves
from a difficult situation
includes a simple technique...
just run away...

after a little time,
just stop and reflect...
was our choice wrong?
no never..
:)
even if it is so,
never to admit.. :D

the only thing
we are not supposed to
have is a clear conscience...

and I hope it is not
a difficult job for us,
since, we are polluted
to the extend possible...
:)

Space 2

when we get in to the private space
of a person without their consent,
the chance that the relationship
weakens is higher...

I am not sure...
when the limit for us is crossed,
it is better to stop moving forward...
whenever I crossed the limit,
I felt as if trapped...
even now, i feel a bit
embarrassed when I have to
interfere in to  the private matters
of another person's life...
yet I repeat the same mistake...
and then regret what I have done...

Space

Everyone have their own space...
the space where they are supposed to be,
the space calls us to there...

we are bound to move back to there...
It is like a movement of a pendulum,
searching for the equilibrium position...

we have limited chance to move away,
since, we will ourselves find
it hard to move away, for a longer time...

Thoghts of evilness

Aren't our thoughts chaining us...?
thinking is an addiction, which is not
that much researched as a disease...
the reason is the research would
in itself be pure thoughts...

If we stop thinking more, many of
our problems would be solved...
if we stop thinking fully,
then probably there would be
enough problems back again...

so there is an optimal point,
you are talking about..?
No, just spilling my evil thoughts...

Madness

The act of human being comes from
a moment of madness
human, represented as 'insan' in Arabic,
while 'insane' in English sound more rhyming

The momentary thoughts if executed,
the world may turn in to hell
the momentary thoughts when put for
a second thought, the world may
turn in to a better place

but,
the problem is,
there are a lot of people who
does either of the one character
mentioned above, and there are
people in loads, who does both
the above mentioned styles...
and hence, the world remains as it is...
a semi hell...

the good part is,
if we wish, we could reject the hellish part...
but it requires a bit of self control we lacks...
because we are insane insans..

Sadness

Some people are as if taking
sadness of their's as a credit

the notion that 'I am happy'
as a disgrace,
being sad is the only way to continue...

or is that because of the thought
that people come for comforting
only when they are sad?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Breaking of vow

At times, you know,
we get too carried away that
we could not resist the feelings
and break the vow...

why the world is giving this much
sadness to others...
why couldn't people find happiness...
even when they are supposed to
have lost things they valued...?

I could not correctly understand... but I know,
my question is too over standard...

Khushi

On the train journey from Agra to Calicut, we got our seats on a compartment packed with many type of people ranging from children to army men... I was happy with the place, since the next box to my seat was filled with small children...
As time passed, a lady came to me and asked whether I could switch my seats with the seats she have in next compartment...
I was cool, but there was issues like we have to shift our luggages, moreover they were till Goa only... so we would have to return back after there...
we, anyway, moved to the new place, and as we reached there and while trying to settle there, a girl in the middle berth smiled to us... we were happy at her behaviour... I found the oppurtunity good for making a friend and made all sorts of faces... and I was happy that she cared us... she intently watched I performing my prayer... she was happy to have me around... and after that, I and my friend settled and started speaking to each other about our trip... we were speaking in malayalam, with full confidence that none nearby could grasp what we are talking about, even if they cared... at that point, the girl lifted her head and asked to me... "uncle, aap kerala se hee hena..?"
I was taken aback... I found a new friend in that girl... I started spending more time talking to her... asked her name and got that it was 'khushi'... happiness... she was having a name which project what she is... she told us that she is from Oriya, which we mistook as Orissa... ( and asked her about the cyclone, which she could not understand...) later, a friend who was in the same compartment and doing B tech, C.S from NITC (4th yr, forgot his name... evdeppoyaalum oronnu vannolum) corrected us that it is a place in UP... she told that she is traveling to Goa to meet her deedi... she was with an aunty and in effect she was alone without parents in the train... she liked me in the beginning and played with me... she first gave her champak to me to read.. which is in Hindi... I struggled a bit to grasp the meanings of all words... and then I gave it to her and told to her to read a story for me... she read stories for me... she told about her school, her malayalam teachers... her facebook account with 98 friends, where she have given her age as 18 (she is 9 yrs old, btw) and she told that she has an android phone, having whatsapp... and even two more other social media like, viber and something more, which I forgot... she know about Kerala, Onam.. she found time in between to read a bit of science... about soil formation and related aspects... within hours of being in that compartment, I found that she disturbed all around her, and gained the love of all around her... the night was sleepy and the morning drowsy...
the next morning, she opened her bag to take out sweets and to distribute them... she have brought enough 'gadgets' to create bonds with others... there was a girl in our box, who was to drop down at Mumbai,(panvel station) just as the station was approaching, I hinted khushi to give a gift to her... there is a kind of fun in finding a person suddenly feeling happy when they get a gift so unexpected... the journey moved on... there was a small problem in between that I am a pure non vegetarian while khushi a pure veg... this caused a small problem.. :) but it was ok to an extend...
the train moved on, without knowing the inner dramas....
as the train was approaching Goa, there was a slight change in our behaviours...
due to some reason, khushi was less and less inclined towards me... I asked her whether i could take a picture of her, for which she denied the consent... she denied my gift to her, a small mud glass, which now sits in my showcase... she even stopped talking to me...
just before karbude, at ukshi station, there were enough monkeys outside the train... and our train had to wait there for signal... at first, khushi came with me to see the monkeys, and I showed her the mirror and said to look in that...
then my friend told her that if she came with me, then i will push her out of the train... and after that she kept a larger distance from me... after a long gap, she relied on me and came to me and I showed her the monkeys, the way to attract them with what less of objects we have... I just loved explaining her and thought in mind, oh, I do not have a little sister... It would have been great fun...

When the train again took off from ukshi, I myself kept a distance from her, since she did not accept my gift...
then the station where she was to leave arrived... she left the compartment, without telling us nor others goodbye... I was busy in another box with few other children... I called my friend, ran out of train to the platform and found khushi with her deedi... I went to her and complained... why left without a 'ta ta'... she was a bit shy and with a kallachiri, waved at us and said goodbye... we turned back to the train... My heart was with a mixture of feelings...
i could not explain with words...
but, the two mornings and one night with khushi was something great... unforgettable... and with lots of love... we do not need any wealth to create happiness in the minds of few... we just have to give them a bit of love... a few words... and that little girl, within a few hours have gave us much...

I may not meet her again... but within that short span, she had changed my life, and many others....

Mapping the mind

there is a simple self righteous feeling inside...
which is creating all the mess...
hatred, down fallen feelings...
the point where one could find
that beauty lies in accepting reality,
the problems are solved...
but, we like to be in illusions,
knowing that the disillusionment would be painful

why?

Sacrifice desires...
Sacrifice joy...
Sacrifice pleasure...
Sacrifice love...
Sacrifice everything...

but,
the problem is,
something is counted as 'Sacrifice'
only when those things are possessed by us...
lest, its just cowardice in another form...
so what would be left to Sacrifice???

painless

It is the pleasure
in seeing oneself
pain for some mistake...
or for miss steps...
past..
that hounds...
there is pain...
and the pain is simply
because of thought....
regrets, wrong choices
and lack of humility
towards oneself...

untitled

A thorne in the leg hurts,
When it pierce in to it...
It can be taken out and the wound clots...
If it is not taken out fast,
it may create problems,
I mean, complecate the situation

Sameway..
:)
I think you got my point...
if,
There is a thorne in heart...
:)
Thats it...

Bad bad me...

When we ourselves break relationships thinking that it is better to be separate, and understands that our decision is correct but cannot continue the life without our close ones... a situation of vacuum, where it weighs us down...
We do not have someone to open our heart and feels to cry sitting alone, to keep our vows...
we scroll through the contacts in the phone, and know which person is to be called... but just scroll on, leaving those numbers...

It is not late to have a change in life...
but the past.., it will definitely hound me...

memories... friendship... love... life...
chitchats... fights... silence... dayapuram...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

purpose

in this world,
everyone acts for a purpose...
without a purpose,
we seldom do things...
then the purpose of blogging
would be a question...

yes, that too can be answered
to relieve the pains
without disturbing others...

Disguise

we all have a way of
getting our things done
what we dream of,
what we aspire of,
through acts of disguise...
some try to look while they
in reality are too evil
while others though good,
behaves as if they are too evil...

there is a point where the
disguise encloses us
in a way that we ourselves
cannot understand
which is reality and which is not...

mother

When I was at Delhi,
I caught a mild diarrhea
I did not want it to
reach to my parents

so, I kept it to myself...
and when my mother called,
I acted to be normal...
but, somewhere she found a mistake
she asked me a question
"kozhapponnullelo lle..?"

I replied cautiously...
"vallya koyapponnulla...
nna shari... pinne vilikkaam.."

but she asked to hold on...
and asked me again
"vallya kozhappallaannu paranjaal...?"
and I had to give in...

I don't know how they get to it...
till that day, she haven't asked that question...
and the first call after the disease,
she found that something is wrong...
:)
my dear mother...
:)
never lie to them...

The weight

There is a situation
of pain in heart...
but, it could be cured
by shedding few tears

But, There is another situation...
the situation where there
is a weight in heart...
no tears would come to help,
nor there would be endless sorrows...
but just the weight...
the weight due to something missing..
rather than something extra in the heart...
the weight created by vacuum...

Monday, January 12, 2015

Misunderstanding

Today,
I told an old friend of mine
about the bone that
destroyed our friendship...
we talked about it and
understood our mistakes...
now,
we are back again as friends...

i think the best way to remove doubts
in case of rumors is to directly ask
the person...
rather than going behind rumors...



edits:-
I met the friend in person
and saw the smile after
perhaps an age of coldness...
:)

Dignity

I searched for dignity
I tried to earn dignity
and at last found myself
in a despicable position...

I stopped for a moment
and searched for me...
and Im still on the search...

hope

Do hopes come from within?
or is it something which comes
from outside and cling to our heart?
or is that the thing which
at the end makes a person hopeless...?

Im bad

Rather than being a person with a darker side,
it is better to confess that Im a bad guy...
the sins piled up day by day...
the thoughts of vengeance, hatred and crookedness...
the acts so cunning, and trust breaking...

yes,
I was and is a bad guy...
change must come from within...
but what comes from within
are the thoughts of sins alone...
the acts that comes out are of sins alone...

somewhere, I lost...
and what i did not understand
was that I lost myself somewhere...

There was that innocent boy...
who would just smile at others..
and do his own works...
without interfering in others matters...
but somewhere he was dragged into
the middle of chaos, or did he just
jumped himself, I don't know,
or I am not sure...
he started ruining his innocence
somewhere in his childhood...
where he found that he lost his childhood...
he started behaving with a masked face
and he could not remove the mask
he made... and he forgot his real face...

and now after years and years...
the child have gone, the boy had gone...
his life have seen many ups and down...
his cheek was rarely soaked in tears...

now, the tears had gone
the old fears have gone...
just to replace with
worse sort of thoughts...


Im sorry...
i could not stop disappointing others...

Night sky

yesterday,
I had a pack of children with me,
while walking along a road,
to whom I showed the orion constellation...
I showed them the wondrous sky...
cloudless, clear and star filled...

today,
I walked over the same stretch of road...
alone, looking at stars...
I felt the urge to tell someone the joy...
but, I was all alone...
all alone....

Stereotyping

We start to hate people
not even knowing them properly...
 somewhere inside us,
we have created barriers...

Barriers on the lines
of countries, religion and race...

barriers on the lines
of wealth and status...

why, we are all humans...
and somewhere we forgot that...
:'(

Temptations

Why I don't know,
we (or just me) are seriously
tempted towards sins, than towards good deeds...
we find it hard to be on time to Masjids,
but whenever get free time, finds ourselves
committing sins...
we could delete the browsing histories...
we could cover the sins done alone...
but, that all could be done
just from our fellow beings...
how about our lord...
how about the day of judgment???
could we just forget about that
 or,
are we living with a confidence that
we could hoodwink our lord..?

Temporary

Why did you hurt..?
you required a temporary treatment

temporary?

that would last for ever in your mind

Truth

It is easier to be content
but the problem is,
we fall for things which tempt
and then repent over it...

actually, the way to get rid of
sadness is to know that
things for us would not leave us...

do not despair, is easy to say
and it is easier to follow,
if we have the heart to...

yet,
is there light without darkness?
to know happiness,
we need to know sadness...
to feel the worth of what we have,
we need to loose something...

Sunday, January 11, 2015

wisdom lost

From a man of words,
to a man bound by words...

words spoken once would cause pain in heart that...
'oh no, I have said those lines...
I could have avoided those words...'

the words once thought to be said, and deliberately unsaid,
would comfort us in the future, that
'I have not uttered those foolish things
at that time, which would have
created a problem, If I had done so, then..'

I had to delete those foolish things,
I have wrote once in this blog...
I guessed many things and
wrote my heart till,
I found how dumb I am
and then I went for another blog...
But I found myself asking my home...

and back again at the homely turf...
I find myself alone...
happy enough to be home again...
but lost that 'life',
I had dreamt through those posts...

yes, the wisdom lost, crated the ills...
and still, the wisdom remain lost...

Terrorism

There are people who uses different professions to earn a living... and these are few others who earn a living using another industry...
terrorism and related industry...
First they created few terrorists... then used them to destroy a country and afterwards used the media and portrayed them as terrorists and killed them...

Terrorism, one of the greatest threat the present world faces...
terrorism, which actually just have deep political and diplomatic meanings are misunderstood by illiterate communities and this being cleverly used by few giants in the western world for their benefits, using the media they control...

There a re a lot of pain at present in this world... please don't create more...
If you need oil, take away and please don't come back...
If you are looking for power take that and go away...
please don't use these innocent lives to satisfy your sadism...
please don't create more terrorists...
please don't make more mothers shed tears....

you have done enough harm...
it will take time to forget...

please, give them time...
they do not ask for a repayment...
at-least allow them to use their air, water and resources for themselves...

please don't create those weapons...

I do not say that love alone could cure the ills...
but Im sure that hatred will never create peace...

Begging

Throughout my life, I have seen beggars...
like any other human being,
I too felt sad at seeing others without proper dignity...

But, as I grow up,
I understood that all those who beg aren't really poor,
and all those who are really poor, don't beg...

I found that the way to help the beggars are by giving food
never to give money
but, I found myself violating this...

It is hard to pass a hand without dropping something to it...
but,
what we drop, are actually creating problems...

:'(

This world is so cruel...
so cruel that we cannot identify the right and wrong,
unless we look...

While on a traffic signal at Delhi,
i saw a child asking for alms at a car in front of me...
the woman in the car took out her bag from back seat,
and searched for a packet of biscuits...
and gave it to the child...

there are problems money can't solve,
but these can be solved by using money...
in a different way...

making money

'making money' and 'money making'
two phrases
two words
two ideas


Maranam

Aalukalkkidayil marikkaan thayyaaraanennu
veeravaadam muzhakkumpozhum ayaalorthu
marichu kazhinjitt?

Jeevitham

Artham thiriyaathe kure nadannu
Artham ariyaanaayi kure nadannu
Artham pidi kittum munp avasaanichu

Vida

avasaanamaayonnu kaanaan,
avasaanamaayonnu mindaaan,
avasaanamaayonnu chirikkaan,
avan foneduthu...
pakshe kilinaadam mozhinju...
"ningal vilikkunna number..."

Freedom

Swaathanthryam thedi avanalanju...
avasaanam avan thiricharinju,
changalakalaayirunnu kooduthal sughapradam

De activate

Thante aagrahangal nadakkillennu kandappol
avante kay neendu...
deactivate...

wastage

I just forgot that I had taken various pledges and now is acting not in accordance with that...

Human beings often forget that part of business where they have taken decisions to do good things...

but, when we have grudge towards somebody and have taken a decision to revenge or do harm, we never forget to do those things...

is it human...?
we call it inhuman, though no other animal does so...

sad but truth...

Desire

the way to live in this world is better
when we understand that
what we have here are temporary...

after the tour,
I canceled my plans for further tours...
instead, decided to go for an Umra...
:"(
I have not seen the Haramain...
I have not been to al Aqsa...
I have not visited the prophet's land...

I have not touched the Ka'ba...
and I am here, wasting thousands
of rupees, for trips of no value...

I have to go...
or I am doing something wrong....

Loneliness

After the degree was handed,
after the robing room was re lit,
in the crowd so large,
I found myself alone...
graduate...
and jobless...
and not interested to be in this world...


Alhamdulillaah,
I could find that Im
remembered or sought, though
in a wrong way
:)
my posts in fb had disturbed
many, I had never thought would read it
:D
many have lost their time reading
those foolish blabbering...

Friday, January 9, 2015

Tomorrow

So,
tomorrow I am going to be a graduate...
In sha Allah..
not a big deal..
but I am going to be an engineer tomorrow...
and I don't know what I have learned in the past four years... to be an engineer...
and I even qualified the GATE!!!

what does it mean?
are all like me... just like me, foolish,
or more foolish than me?

or is it that engineering itself is so?

I don't know...

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Child

I am a Child...
I know one language...
the language of love...

you could come to me...
whatever be your mother tongue,
I could find what you mean...
You just need to give me love...

I love being recognized...
so, If you get a chance next time,
and you see a child like me,
just give a smile...

it may not cost you much...
but for me, it makes the day for him...

I am a child...

:'(

Why do you like to cling back to the old friends, who don't even care about what you speak?

why do you wish to be humiliated again and again by the same 'friend'..?

why just forgiving a person, who do not value the ties or bonds...

why to be eager to help someone, who would never do a good to you,
and the guy who waits for the opportune moment to strike against you...

somewhere, lost in the chains of trust, though with a broken heart and a wounded soul,
hoping for a better day, which is yet to come but unsure of...

for a tender heart, with good tear glands,
seeing a moist cheek, would moist his cheeks...

it is better to be humiliated, made fun of and discarded when there is a need than, to see a pain of heart with cold eyes and turn away...

it is better to be humiliated...

Why?

Beyond where words could be of use,
there lies the friend, the soul-mate...
At times,
when out of a whim, the secret keeper is being kept aside,
the heart yearns to be back to the old styles...
but,
why?
why do heart do not understand the foolishness of continuing friendships that had long gone shattered..
why do heart cannot understand that few friends are to be dropped to move forward...

:)

The fun in writing over fb is having a certain problem that it will fade...

The normal nature of human being is the best way to have a better life...
but just being normal, may make a machine rather than a person..
find time to do things that make us happy...
it may be sitting simply,
meeting people,
may be...


The way to escape boredom is to find a way to be busy...
engaged...
every time, any time...

Prophet, peace be upon Him, told that it is health and leisure time, the two boons of Allah which will be the reason for difficult questions...

smile, take a breath, give a wave...
smile again...
say Alhamdulillaah....

closing homeward

Just crossed the kannur railway station...
Every moment, closing towards home...

After this journey, it must not be to rest that I return, it must be to rebuild what all I destroyed... to rechannelize myself for a better me and better society...

While in train, met many new people, made many new friends... whom I may never see again... but who gave me love and created hope... taught me that I am not a total waste...

A lot of money was spent during this tour... I called this tour as my journey to know where I lost... I don't know whether I found answers for the questions with which I started the quest...
But, i am sure, it had helped me a lot to look to the insides of myself.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

:D

Full moon...
Full mood

Life

The life over this world is too short to carry out all our desires...
But, it is not too short to turn back and find the right way, back to our lord and earn the world which could give what we wish and things beyond our wish...

Tears

I thought tear drops were precious...

Tear could be water mixed with poison,
the sins removed from one who repent,
the grief of a loss or death,
joyous of drops of rediscovery,
a mark of love while departing,
a tool of deception,
a mask for betrayal...

and at times, nothing but a salty water which rolls down the cheek, whose movement is felt so precisely, the bends the flow takes, and at last, the fall... a moment of separation from the cheek... following the surface tension and gravity, but creating certain situation in heart, beyond the laws of physics